I was always a good student
followed the system, obeyed orders, climbed the ladder
I said “Yes, Ma’am,” and “No, Sir”
I wanted “A’s”, I wanted to be a lawyer
She taught me, young, to be irresponsible
What I will always remember
is her trying
to teach me what was “right” in life
but I knew she never believed any of it herself
I always stayed within the lines
and it was she who would praise me
with a wink
then push my wrist to cross the barrier containing my colors
I never knew how to be myself
because she wouldn’t let herself be
Over time, I have grown to resent my mother
and she is no longer around now
just a shell of a woman giving home to the remains of a
wild spirit drowned in the confusion
of learning that a society
cares only for society
not the individual
The woman I always wanted to talk to is gone
and I miss her so much every time
I have to stand up for myself
for living the exact life
I want to live
the exact life
she would have loved to live as well
I was always a good student
Thanks to a memory of this person
I am now a shrewd one as well
- af
(written with pen on paper)
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