How will I hear myself scream

if I keep burying myself in the dirt of

what I have believed my life has become

 

I wish so hard at times

that I had another moment with my memories

so as to replace the anguish of the past

and the horrible decisions

choices

that have created this tainted perspective

and have licked away my briny tears.

I feel like I always hear someone screaming at the door

banging away

but every time I answer,

It seems to be the emptiness of my mind

 

When reality feels so real,

it often never truly exists

When my wandering mind gets lost

in the salt lakes of contagious fantasy

it has taste, smell

 

I have a day and a moment in my life now

for the mistakes I have made in the past

for every mistake

ticking out loud

the metronome of the sickle’s heat

the water always seemingly getting closer

the sky lower

the pain deeper

 

We are bred to chase the past

delaminating that melody that heals the ache

that wants rather than believes

 

How will I ever hear anything

if this breathe I hold dries like cement in my veins

and hardens my bones as much as my will?

 

 

 

 

af