i am furiously frustrated
suffocated
bloated, in pain
crying and grinding my teeth together
thinking about
everything i shouldn’t be thinking about
on such a beautiful day
digging deeper
more pain
and deeper
more pain
and deeper still asking and asking
till i get an answer
ask some more
the words the fears
the helplessness of being stuck
a mouse on glue
feeling like the only way for me to survive
is for me to chew my own feet off
crippled but i would still be going

someone once told me to eliminate the notion of struggle
from my everyday lexicon
that life consists of none

then i grind my teeth again
thinking about
consequences I thought I feared
when it is normalcy I have always desired

and I am not comfortable
that constant change
is as normal as can be expected
from life

af

(written on computer)