I’ve fallen into the gulch of
thinking too much, speaking too little
never capturing the profound ideals
my mind creates to share with the world…

That’s when I hear the Buddha in my head
“create for the sake of”
but in a culture of reward
it all feels so pointless, self-absorbed

The miles of words that spew out of this mind
help me to smile, help me to shine
allow me to flirt like I was given some purpose

then those words come again
“your only purpose is to be, to do, to create”

I am tired of being righteous
of being this hamster on the wheel
creating electricity with my efforts but
never knowing why I exist
ingesting too much
knowing too much

the spirit is silent
unable to focus

afraid, afraid, afraid

af

(written with pen on paper)