I have already come to the point

where I wonder

if any of this has any purpose

 

what the fuck really does it matter

even when I am correct or find an answer…

for what purpose is my righteousness

and suppose it is true

that it is simply for the purpose of a moment

alone

that it is necessary

 

I try…I really do

close my eyes and come close sometimes

quieting too many voices for one head to control

one soul to remain strong against

 

I do not like walking past anyone

I do not feel comfortable thinking or knowing

that I am better than someone else

that someone else is less than me, inferior to me

 

that is something I can just simply not believe in

 

But still

I open the blinds and stare out at a city

one I was raised in

and I see the red brick dreams I have craved for so long

stare at the historical photograph of my view

pouring words

in this miniscule pod I sleep in

 

and wonder what I just did for the world

what do these words matter

to the world

 

sometimes I feel so much

but just cannot understand

how what I write helps your life

how have I really contributed

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

must everything always rely on faith?

 

 

 

 

af

 

 

 

 

(written on computer)