The little ones play so as to fill their naivety
no rules and only blanket discrimination
it’s the attention and laugh they crave
to bring joy to those closest to them
…so what if they disregard the rest?
They know only family
not yet burdened down by the subtlety of human interaction.
An emotion is an emotion, an impulse only an impulse.

The little ones explore each other
kiss and fondle and love and consume;
they have no real intentions,
only living within the primal impulses of guttural ecclesia.

The little ones are the magnification of the specie’s love
as well as our recalcitrance
divulging secrets to the scales of social and personal balance
experimenting with no risk
fortunate to have yet to experience the hangover of hindsight.

They dress in adult clothing
borrow our language, steal our swagger
emulate our designs of coolness and cupid…

Most importantly,
the little ones know how to expertly wipe clean the
blackboards us big ones tend to clutter with nonsense.
Their instinct is to emulate us
but we should let them run wild, experiment
and therefore learn all about life from them
not the other way around.

af

(written with pen on paper)

Ringing in the new year as an omen…
Last year was shedding the skin
…this year will begin the journey

There are occurances in life so wonderful
yet still,
during the lulls,
the downtime in-between happenings
I wonder
is life really supposed to be all experience and no purpose?

I am curious about their stares, their curiosity

putting myself on the outside
then
questioning why I end up on the outside

instigating myself to manipulate life…

What is possible at this point?

Life is long
so
who knows what the next forty will bring

af

(written with pen on paper on the new year’s eve)

What is the reward for someone who gives more than she could possibly ever take?

What is the comfort in an empty house when her soul is spent and all she hears are the voices of guilt rather than those of gratitude?

If hungry, you will be fed before you even get the chance to ask; before she eats herself.

She will suffocate in debt just so you never know struggle.

The model of pride under the flag she was born under, honored to live up to what most of us have ignored, give her your hungry, your tired, your poor, she will make sure you will be nevermore, regardless of your prejudices and selfishness.

Whatever the favor, YES is the only answer, always out of her common sense because the haters and takers are those who need the love the most.

And who else is there to turn to when the doors of the physical world are closed and your door to the man upstairs becomes an apparition?

A home for me when I displaced my own, family to me when my blood made me the outcast, a warrior willing to strike me when my fire needed a battle, comfort when I was drowning in my frightened tears.

Understanding, even tirelessly forgiving, when my rhetoric exposed my underbelly of insecurity.

And, in giving life, a path, a purpose to a child not her own, what reparation could this soul on earth receive that is not already awaiting her in heaven?

af

(written in my little notebook)

What is it you really want?

You are at an age far beyond me
unattached for stubborn reasons of your own
as I am
because you crave your independence

You say you want someone to share life with
who respects you and loves you
and you need distance solitude and freedom

Above all, you are proud of your sexual prowess
get satisfied and move on
all not too different than what I ask of you

So, if we are the same
and I just happen to say
bluntly
what’s your goal, want, desire,
avoiding your hoops and charges,
take no offense toward me for honesty

afterall
the truth will set you free

af

(written with pen on paper)

awake again living
watching the lady
with the baby
singing Hallelujah
swaying
and the baby
naive safe warm rested

visual poetry

not sure if i can get high anymore

anger points
security points
presumptuous assumptuous perception
habitually assuming some devil
took over my mother

chest high puffed deep breathing

five years to prove

taking advantage
reaffirming
struggles are good
suffering is good
those feelings
washing
enjoying my successes
my unconscious subconscious

then i look
a healthy dose of crazy inside those eyes
a hunter

go to sleep night
in morning
a puff, habit, thrive

there is always a choice
accepting what life is
what it gives you
what I make of it

af

(choice pickings from a free-write)

to annoy, to inspire, to give a general
Fuck You
to everyone and everything

and when you see through

if you see through it

and understand why I have

taken my arm and cleared

every drop of shit off my desk

and smirk through the arrogance…

if you come back smirking
then I will allow you in -
you can come along for this crazy life

who the fuck knows what the next stop is

but ain’t this train ride fun?

af

(written with pen on paper staring out the window on another journey)

it’s just nice being happy
cannot stop talking about it
is exuding from me
is pouring out of me
words
dancing insane down the street
laughing to myself
bouncing off the proverbial walls

it makes me not want to hide
anything
ever
to get in people’s faces trying to force
you
to get right back in mine
to engulf me in your energy
let’s play
running together
spinning the wheel
living in agape

the deafening chaos
horns screams white noise black noise
pandemonium
cacophonies of anarchy
all filling the balloon of pure joy…

it feels like the path to the eternal energy
eternal spirit
eternal it
i am
and life finally feels right!

af

(written on computer – in life)