Everyone else is crazy
working too late
relaxing two days
adding people
still talking about the be good list
although the be bad list has its perks;
Golddiggers wearing the pants
cracking the whip
out of touch and heartbroken
overwhelmed, seeking revenge so someone will listen

But we are awesome

Although forthright honesty is ruining the surprise
we became great friends,
a three year’s difference creeping insignificantly
past young spirits;
Patiently waiting to see what music you wake to,
like a stripper asking for dollars.

Dare to be insane
with me
It is much more exciting being the outcast
looking in on the dollhouse
living on the edge, officially saved
reading too far into the dream
and skipping around the world with you

Now
life happens
right now
speechless
heart is racing
a cup of coffee
then sweetest dreams

af

(written with pen on paper after an amazing date)

Don’t force it

On days when
I have so much to say
so much I am feeling
with no words coming out
peace and quiet
that is all I think…

Don’t force it

…a patience I am not accustomed to

but a truth to have faith in

af

(written in little notebook)

How will I hear myself scream
if I keep burying myself in the dirt of
what I have believed my life has become

I wish so hard at times
that I had another moment with my memories
so as to replace the anguish of the past
and the horrible decisions
choices
that have created this tainted perspective
and have licked away my briny tears

I feel like I always hear someone screaming at the door
banging away
but every time I answer
it seems to be emptiness

When reality feels so real
it does not exist
but when my wandering mind gets lost
in the salt lakes of contagious fantasy
it has taste, smell

I have a day and a moment in my life now
for the mistakes I have made in the past
for every mistake
ticking out loud
the metronome of the sickle’s heat
the water always seemingly getting closer
the sky lower
the pain deeper

We are bred to chase the past
delaminating that melody that heals the ache
that wants rather than believes

How will I ever hear anything
if this breathe I hold dries like cement in my veins
and hardens my bones as much as it has my will?

af

(written with pen on paper)

we are meant to inspire each other
because the secret is not to
make sense of it all
and understand
why
nothing makes sense,
the secret is to know
that life just happens
with no agenda, no spite
no destined path towards good or bad

our life occurs
as nature does
as everything else living does

it is our mind that is obsessed
with finding logic or reason
when all we should be doing
is to follow the omens,
the Jimminy Crickets
feel, don’t listen
and just exist…
smile…

it really is not all that serious

af

(written in little notebook for Connie)

The perfect day
The vibe of building confidence
consciously
Seeing impossible shapes
fit into slots that do not match
The joy of success shared by everyone
by everything going right
when nothing was supposed to

af

(written in little notebook after a perfect fucking day!)

Jump

just because your trust is broken
does not mean your scars are not strong and your skin not tough;
your resilience is now much more
determined to rebuild

so, Jump

just because you have
twice
and fallen, bruised broken defeated
twice
doesn’t mean now is the time to
stand still

Jump

just because you tried you gave
you failed over and over and over

still Jump

these painful lessons
horrible inconviences
along these hopeful paths you keep walking
allow them to teach you
allow yourself to embrace the speed
of the universe

Jump

because failure is getting scared
and stopping;
is choosing baby steps
when you are so close
when a quick sprint is all you really need
to end this seemingly never-ending marathon

Jump

don’t walk through the fire

Jump

you never bothered with consequences
so why now?

only the boring get bored
only the timid stay behind

don’t be paralyzed by the fear of your past

Jump!

af

(written with pen on paper)

change pounces right upon you
there is no warning
one path, one decision
then the one option you have wanted all along
after finally believing does not exist

mother mary doesn’t whisper her affirmation
it goes higher than her
higher than our world
when wolves, when the pack attacks
furious, ecstatic
enthusiastically
begging
Trust Me
never really sure if you even trust yourself

deciding between delusions
nothing feeling quite normal
stuck to an abrupt stop

and that is when the song ends
the jaws close tightly

and you…too late

af

(written on computer)