A legacy leaves nothing behind but a memory;
if lucky, an inspiration on which to draw on;
a building, a poem, a child;

Peer down both alleys
the short run and the long one
as there is a difference between
human history and that of humanity;
both volatile in serving each other
delicately
as the success of one
may very easily, one day, end the other

af

(written with pen on paper)

I am sorry you hurt
There is so much in me that would like to gloat
that, in the old me, would have
but, all I can think about is you lying alone
heartbroken, slightly more cynical than a few days ago
more hardened when you should be growing soft
crying because that trust you worked so hard to mend
rebroke into more pieces than you had to originally glue together

I barely know you
but I wish I could hold you;
then I remember that I try to live with character, integrity
and I couldn’t take advantage of you before
and I refuse to do it now
so I cannot tell you what I want to
what would consol you and comfort you
because I do not want to be a mistake
I do not want to be a transition or an excuse
I want to be a hope
In your life, I want to be a decision
an intentional path you travel down
a road never taken
and to be trusting enough to not turn and walk away
when you finally decide to walk into that strange new jungle

There is nothing inside me
that can say that my words and desires are permanent
nothing logical to justify my instincts
but this life is short
and I know I am a good person
so good that I fuck up too much
but there is not one among us who is perfect
and I know my intentions are pure, honest, honorable

I care not to be someone who sweeps in
saves the day, promises you riches and comfort
but I know I will challenge you, push you, piss you off
and if you hear what it is I say
then you will know I am wealthier
than any prince who will sweep you from your feet
because my promises are not practical
but passionate,
you are not a prize, but a work in progress
not perfect, but stubborn, insecure

your beliefs are not all correct
but you try
you try too hard at times
and I see that
past your success, I accept all the flaws you refuse to have
and that’s why I think there is something special about you;
that is where my intrigue grows from…
Knowing that, for some reason,
you allowed me to peek behind the curtain
and now that I’ve seen who the real person is
I want the curtains to stay open
because the masks don’t compare to the beauty
of your struggles, your love, your joy, your pain, your soul

af

(written on computer for a broken heart)

I look at the sunset and do not see beauty;
it is simply the way it is intended to be

what I see
is a glimpse of the unfathomable;
a look into the infinite

I never have wanted to believe that
we are god’s greatest creation;
the patience of a tree, alone,
is beyond our capability

I know what is
and what could still be

I do believe our intelligence
has not even been realized,
let alone developed enough,
to understand the realm of intelligence of
the creator of all

I see how great we are within a world so small,
but we are only a rumor
in a universe that is seemingly endless

af

(written in small notebook)

one more…one more
cannot get enough
axe drives through my spine
forces me to hunch over
blood on the page

it is all too dramatic

then the smells, scents odors
three young girls fade in
pass
three young girls fade out
mindless to their invisibility

one more…one more
wanting
wanting

one more…one more

anything

what have you to offer;
hit drink shot fuck food pill true love?

one more…
one more is all I want

af

(written in little notebook…somewhere)

It is an excruciating burden

to absorb the heartache, the pain

of all those massacred;

for me to sit here in the luxury I live in

no matter how humble

or insignificant

I make myself

…the pain of history still weighs profoundly on my soul

For five hundred years

over one billion mothers and sons

have died for the comfort I now have

and my compassion feels responsible,

causing a halt to life

to reflect and cry silently

wondering if there is any reparation possible

paid from my own life

to help this horrible history I was raised from

And as I reflect

what always seems to hurt more

is the ignorance

the other people

who

benefit from history’s genocides

complain incessantly of the modern world pains

all to brand weak my anguish

of understanding too much

that we deserve nothing

af

(written with pen on paper)

Criticism is commonplace for what we do

although we cannot be whipped into place

as we scare everyone with a will of solitude and independence

courting young women

traveling to deserts and rainforests

war zones and peace communes

“What do you do?”

“I am a poet.”

“So, you are a freeloader?”

That is the cue

to raise the voice of our

of my

self-confident proclamation of artistic dogma

I Am A Poet

(scoff scoff snicker snicker)

I AM A POET

The silence used to be so awkward

until I would begin filling it with

half-laughed apologies

Now

there is only the decree

then the stare-back

my conviction  burrowing under and uprooting

the scrutiny from their false confidence

We are not sensitive

because we stand up for passion

We are while You dream

Wound us all you want

we are immortal

af

(written with pen on paper)

What a curse

the ability to be so aware of all outcomes

to lie with head

splitting

open

pounding pain draining inspiration

then I turn around

once fucking again

a dream of and from the past

something so illogical

a ponderance so inconceivable

And again

and again

paths do not continue to cross in this short life

for no reason

but

adults do not live on the impulse

of a child

rules must be necessary

because

in our mind

all that could be conceived

of what life could be

has never broken out of the boundaries of

what is

and is not

possible

will these two adults walk away from life

as the Buddha did

to simply

try

to jump into another dimension

rather than live with guilt

live knowing that the finite time here

is only here

to be explored?

The one who jumps

will be the flint

patience achieves all goals

It’s ok to start over

af

(written on computer)