I am sorry you hurt
There is so much in me that would like to gloat
that, in the old me, would have
but, all I can think about is you lying alone
heartbroken, slightly more cynical than a few days ago
more hardened when you should be growing soft
crying because that trust you worked so hard to mend
rebroke into more pieces than you had to originally glue together

I barely know you
but I wish I could hold you;
then I remember that I try to live with character, integrity
and I couldn’t take advantage of you before
and I refuse to do it now
so I cannot tell you what I want to
what would consol you and comfort you
because I do not want to be a mistake
I do not want to be a transition or an excuse
I want to be a hope
In your life, I want to be a decision
an intentional path you travel down
a road never taken
and to be trusting enough to not turn and walk away
when you finally decide to walk into that strange new jungle

There is nothing inside me
that can say that my words and desires are permanent
nothing logical to justify my instincts
but this life is short
and I know I am a good person
so good that I fuck up too much
but there is not one among us who is perfect
and I know my intentions are pure, honest, honorable

I care not to be someone who sweeps in
saves the day, promises you riches and comfort
but I know I will challenge you, push you, piss you off
and if you hear what it is I say
then you will know I am wealthier
than any prince who will sweep you from your feet
because my promises are not practical
but passionate,
you are not a prize, but a work in progress
not perfect, but stubborn, insecure

your beliefs are not all correct
but you try
you try too hard at times
and I see that
past your success, I accept all the flaws you refuse to have
and that’s why I think there is something special about you;
that is where my intrigue grows from…
Knowing that, for some reason,
you allowed me to peek behind the curtain
and now that I’ve seen who the real person is
I want the curtains to stay open
because the masks don’t compare to the beauty
of your struggles, your love, your joy, your pain, your soul

af

(written on computer for a broken heart)