I really do not know how to stop myself

Clean and sober or as fucked up as my abandoned mother

I crave

I desire

I am all intense all the time at all moments

It has become addictive

 

I have only been gone for two months

but I have to be honest

(I am a poet

and I am writing a poem

and it is in my sacred oath

to be as creatively honest as possible)

but this is the truth…

years have gone by;

Time does not exist for me as it does for most others

and I suppose

as a poet

it is supposed to be my secret

this ability I have

and just create within it

but it is all new to me

regardless of how cool I attempt to come across

it is all surprising, all exciting

and it makes me feel good

I want more, all the time,

every fucking week-long second

 

Then I push

and push

and look and stare and ask and

at some point

I always feel as if I cross some imaginary

puritan line of false innocence

and floods begin pouring

it becomes all too much

with nothing left to do but write write

words words write write

working into a slumber to forget, once again,

the lonely ending

 

Then a message came through

one that never had before

from an unexpected lady

an old soul

coming a step further with me

then walking past, encouraging me to go even further…

 

It has thus far been a year in a day

and I somehow seem to finally

for once

look forward to what tomorrow brings

twenty-four long months

of hope

 

my humble gratuity

 

 

 

af

 

 

 

 

(written on computer)

§ One Response to how unexpected

• Anthony Frisina says:

  April 30, 2013 at 10:37 AM

  I have tried to use this project to help me dig much deeper but mostly be more honest and open. Emotions are not to be protected they are to be experienced, explored, pushed…

  Thanks again, Jenn

  Reply