Overcome

artist by artist
the hourglass empties the cafe, fills the street
artist by artist
I await my turn to read a few poems to a diminishing few
four comedians and a dancer
silence even a poet is not used to hearing

a few quit and I cut my set
gettin’ late, don’t wanna bore, keep it light
second guesses and excuses
two unhealthy mantras I have overcome
yet I always seem to live by in times of pressure

cue soundtrack

staring at the same faces…
do they genuinely dig it?
or is it just mock reluctance?

I cower, read lost within a few poems
apologize my thank you
and take my seat as everyone honestly reaches out

back to the corner
feeling like I had a few more minutes a few more poems
wondering why I was so afraid
why I felt they were mocking

no one conversed yet they all acknowledged
me
this turtle who refuses to trust the world

whether it is a full house or an empty one…

Did I shy away?  Did I get arrogant?  Did I get ignorant?

…it is a performance

beginning to argue with myself
right as the comedian begins to argue with the host
the greed of all of us
the beauty of communication
the art within an evening going as an evening should go
chaos, poetry, laughter, music, passion, drink

Art is art…that is what I preach by live by
make fertilizer with the shit I am given
pilgrim of one

a blade of grass finally poking through the soil
my back a little straighter
reminded of who I am
two steps back one step forward this time

but always at least one step forward
happy for being self
for being energy, a mirage, an experience
alone with the wonders of the world,
the mountains to the coffee shops,
to a lonely few alone on a cold tuesday night
trying to be something
trying to say something
trying to overcome

 

 

af

 

 

(written on computer after an interesting astoria evening)