boarding soon

exhausted:

my body

my mind

my intestines

my desire

my will…

all sad, somber and slightly subdued

i have only existed these last few weeks

i just only exist in general

in moments like this

sitting

in another airport

reflecting on the help i give

and the words i create

and always wondering if it is ever enough

or if it even matters

af

(written with pen on paper)

Child

how quickly it all changes

everyone will tell you this

eventually it will begin to annoy you

then one day you will decide to be different

this is your drive

your ambition, your dreams

you become stubborn, determined

then one day you will have a moment

you will look out to see it all come true

perhaps you might close your eyes

just to take it in from the other senses as well

after that, a peace will overcome you

relaxation allowing questioning

for understanding

priorities will change

reality will challenge nostalgia

hoping for something better than

a past that wasn’t always so good

and you will sit on a snowy night

listening to the quiet of your newborn

sleeping

years from being that determined child

you only a moment ago were

and you will understand that

as soon as a moment ends

it is just as quickly gone

you will realize

that everyone was correct in their observations

but only

you alone will understand

that it is

you alone

who dictates the rate at which time passes

and that life ain’t so fast, after all

af

(written on computer)

It is easy to accept everything in this life

easy to receive and take and expect more, still

easy to get knocked around from path to path by a quick breeze

Everyone is scared

and the more scared you become,

the more blind as well

Once in while though

there is quiet

now and then

there is stillness

and most often

there are tears

it is the guilt of taking life for granted

the pressure

soaking in drying cement

but from that meditation

dissolved like ashes of the phoenix

the greed of our inheritance

is nothing more than a ghost

as reconciliation unveils

the magic that love provides

af

(written on computer)

live in a dream world

and when no friends are found

in those lonely nights camped in the woods

turn to the loyalty of the page;

the stories already within you

(or at least the nonsense that is about to be)

when pain aches inside the body

distill it with the power of the mind;

the shamanistic healings of determination

allow the healer within to heal

when fury consumes the soul

finding only hatred where family should be

open all valves – scream cry curse and fuck;

squeeze the rag dry

into each song

above all, though

regardless of the endless truths everyone seems to have

sometimes

the only way to survive

is to live

in a dream world

af

(written with pen on paper)

Imagine a world

where humans were unable to see themselves;

no reflections to gaze upon…

How many precious minutes

of an already too-short life

are spent staring at the flesh

to inspire confidence

to loathe existence

to admire beauty

to dwell in heartbreak

all for an unknown justification

How different each life would be

thoughts and judgments and egos would be

if the only concept of appearance

was viewed through the ripples of nature

Is it possible

to be confident enough

in the self that is given

secure enough in character

enlightened enough in existence

to live this life

without a mirror?

af

(written with pen on paper)

Humility

Replacing pride with compassion

Enduring criticism for the sake of peace

Knowing that being correct is not enough

Wholly stepping outside of self

in order to view the world as another does

Summoning strength through the pain of insults

Sacrificing stubborn beliefs

so that a better person might emerge

…but it all begins with humility

af

(written with pen on paper)

It’s about changing perspective

about realizing how much more I have to give

one dollar at a time

it goes beyond the value

It’s about reshaping the mind

to understand the insignificance of what is considered worth

while finding greater worth where risk would never dare to go

It’s never about what it says it is

underneath everything is a complex story

questions that beget questions

the building blocks of confidence needed

when stepping out from one life into another

It’s about answering those inquiries

standing up to those doubts

marching past rejection as only a barren patch in the grass

patiently, with no anger, no mirrors, no judgment

One dollar means that there are still people

who are connected to a selflessness

dedicated to creation and trust

who understand that sometimes

the answer to the question

is faith in the human being

who understand

life is a slow process

and that it is our obligation

to support it

af

(written on computer)