When I think about all the troubles I have, I feel deep inside that my life is really good; feel ashamed for feeling so depressed and unsettled;

 

What worries me the most is the debt I have, the loneliness I feel, the uncertainty of answers, the search for a purpose.

 

I know I am a person who exists beyond privilege.

 

I try to put it all into perspective, try to be objective, but something shuts down.

 

I begin staring at the tree outside my window and I am silence, peace, nothingness.

 

I look up, see the bridges, then begin hearing the trains and busses and I realize I am trapped in the urban jungle.  I begin collapsing, inside, my mind begins compressing, my breath feels different, more shallow, strangely painful.

 

And I finally understand not all journeys are physical.

 

I have listened to everyone, paid my dues, kissed my asses, and received my rewards for it, but, it is a new path I tread upon.

 

The natural rewards of this earth are the answer to our dilemmas, and the answer for itself.

 

The world created music, not buildings.  The world created ideas, not money.  The world created paintings, not commerce.  Life is not a negotiation, neither is nature.  Do good, get good.  Do bad, get bad; So incredibly simple.

 

It takes strength and will to follow art, to turn away from money.  I often forget until I write, I play a song, I dance and everything begins healing. It feels right…it’s the only thing that has felt truly right.

 

Art is intended to heal the artist.  The beauty it creates for someone else is as simple as a flower’s visceral purpose.

 

I am beginning to think my purpose, our purpose, is to just sit back, respect and create.  Regardless, that’s what I am going to do…

 

 

 

af

 

 

 

(written on computer)