It is time I stop being the victim.

 

Love sometimes works in manners silent between people

sometimes hurts so intensely

paralyzes like a moving painting I stare at for years

rather than a world I choose to live within.

 

I often give so much

open up so much

try

and fight so much

 

which is fine well and good when with humble intentions.

 

But then I begin expecting

The entities of ego and pride

feel they deserve

and as a result

I deserve

that one good deed be granted two;

that my rewards should be what I want

which are often not what I need and receive.

 

In the past, I would find my gratuity

through relativity,

the perspective of understanding

what I feel I lack

in comparison to others in this world.

 

When I pity my poverty

I remember the tin and tire roofs in the slums of Salvador

When lonely, I think of those scorned, mocked and condemned

for their handicaps, disabilities and imperfections

When I despise my status, my worth

it is they who are born and who have died

with far less than the lowest of my opportunities

whom I clearly remember meeting

among the million faces on my journey.

 

This life I am experiencing

isn’t all that bad;

in fact, it is quite brilliant and abundant

and that which I feel I lack

is nothing more than something (or someone)

I have yet worked towards growing within.

 

It is my responsibility to accept what it is I want;

to understand that

no one

is obligated to give

to me.

 

It is my responsibility

to stop being the victim.

 

 

 

af

 

 

 

 

(written with pen on paper)