Look at me, hey, over here
LOOK AT ME!
You left me, you left me
years went by…too long, too long
Cant you see me running in circles, screaming?
Down Here!
For you! You leave me, and I still come to you when
you decide to come back
I forgive you and I’m yelling for you so
WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME?!?!
Why’d ya leave Why’d ya leave Why’d ya leave?
Doesn’t matter.  You’re here, you’re back YOU ARE BACK!
I knew it I just knew it just just knew knew it it
Oh Boy, I’m out of breath and you are here
and won’t look at -
YOU LOOKED AT ME!!!!!
Hi HI Hello hello hey hello me me me
HI, now come here, please please
I don’t care that you haven’t shut the door yet
Don’t care that your arms are full
That you’re covered in snow, that you’re sick
I don’t even care that you abandoned me to do whatever it is you do
COME.  HERE.  Can’t you see how happy I am?  How much I love you? » Read the rest of this entry «

dreams
the portal to your soul
a glimpse inside the dimensions
within the dimensions of infinity
a shared journey in sleep with a lover
reality that existed
yet never occurred

dreams
talk to us
remind us
guide us
if we are willing read them
encourage us that the world
as we know it
is only a sliver of our life

af

(written on computer)

You wanted to be the observer.  Wanted to be outside of society.  Well, how far will you go?  What did you expect it would be?  Would feel like?  Outside is outside, whether at the marmont or in queens.

(I guess I didn’t expect it to be so lonely)

This society will make you feel very alone if you leave it, if you challenge it and if you refuse to conform.

(I am trying to do the right thing)

While fitting in with the wrong people.

(They are the only people I have ever known)

That is why you had a choice.  Still do.  But life still goes on after you make that choice.  Still need to act on it, accept the results of it, make more choices.  It doesn’t end with decision.

(It just seems that it should be easier, that’s all.  That doing the right thing, being a good person should make life easier, better.  What is the point if only the opposite is rewarded?)

Rewards have nothing to do with choice.  There are no prizes for correct choices.

(Then what is the point?)

That, as well, is your choice.  You get to choose what the point is by choosing one path or another, by making it worthy or not.  It is a terrible burden, knowing the truth of what life truly is.  Knowing that it is all effort all the time.  Fortunately, you have a choice in how to look at this effort as well.  Will you enjoy your decisions, find meaning in your choices, or simply look at it all as just work?

af

(written in little notebook)

I am that picture in the window
I am the couple in the club
the dancing extension of the band
I am Jack, I am an enigma
I am critical thinking
I am mystery
I am myself

The bullshit, corruption, natural disasters, poverty
matched in perfect balance
with the daily exorcism of inner demons
sweating, singing, screaming, pouring the soul out
as humanly needed

The shit is all part of the shine

I am unbelievable gratuity
I am humility
I am agape, I am all-consuming
I am the joy, the fight, the desire, the dream
I am exploration
I am home
I am here
I am walking breathing creativity…

I am not bored, but creation
I am not lost, but creation
I am not scared nor indifferent nor insecure, but creation
I am not shy, but creation
I am not manipulation, but creation
I am not pain, but creation
I am not death, but creation
I am not past nor future, but creation

I am right where I need to be
I am right when I need to be
I am right what I need to be
I am right how I need to be

I am bliss
I am desire
I am effort
I am inspiration
I am pain
I am sorrow
I am disappointment
I am success
I am achievement
I am but for the grace of

I am faith

I am hope

I am…

I am…

I am!!!

I am love

 
af

(written with pen on paper in the most perfect moment of my life)

Can’t seem to shake
the habit of who i have been raised as

The voice of my uprising
“you are not good enough…just good.”
“our blood is cursed, yours as well.”
“as good as it is is as bad as it will be.”
“loser, loner, liar.”

Blue blood collar choking me
chewing on my straight-jacket
lungs screaming up plasma and demons

I have shed many skins
been suffocating in this cocoon long enough

If I cannot evolve
then I will tear free
fly away.

af

I release you
this stone in my heart
this beast in my intestines
this clamp on my throat
this shroud in my head
this ominous coffin around my body

I get it
i understand how simple and how painful it is

it is not right to question love

so my integrity releases you
my humility
my character
my dreams
my passion
all release you

 
af

(written on computer listening to She’s Leaving The Bank by Ry Cooder from the show Traces)

when we create something
there is a simple luxury in having the ability
to stand before it, to take it in and
absorb the fact that your body
in some way or another
molded built or grew what, but a few moments before,
never existed

a legacy is easy to observe
in the first generation of its conception

but what will come of it
once it becomes something of its own;
when its life is not directly related to nor
in need of the fabrication of your hands?
when your child breeds a child
with blood passed down from your body
to another through another?

Brooklyn, the granddaughter of joy and light
the strength a mother’s mother could never foresee possible,
a glimpse of the child the first generation once was
the optimism of past present and future

Max, a man tearing out from a child’s shell
genuine wisdom not yet grown into the wise
with the strength and fortitude capable of ancestry’s pride
yet gentle enough to nurture the family name

Julian, the overflowing cup of heritage
a young boy encompassing the naivety of
a young man fearlessly curious about
a young world that once was so purely simple

The revelation of a grandparent is quite different from
the elation of the balance between the elderly and the infant,
it is a complex comprehension of the evolution of existence
a reliving of lifetimes seemingly so long ago
a daily gratuity of the gift of the present
and a knowing that we will always live on in this precious world we helped create

af

(written on computer)