When I wake up now and go for a walk
the Purchase
the du Monte
the drums and horns
the spring in winter
the mighty miss
the hot sauce
the basin, rampart, frenchman
the to-go cup
the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th
the lake and levees
the coup and kermit’s
the ghosts
the hurricanes and humidity and hustlers
the parades
the foot of canal street
are all now just a walk away

af

(Happy Mardi Gras)

There is a downpour outside right now…
Wash Away Our Sins, Lord!!!
Cleanse ours Souls…Cleanse our World…Cleanse our Gutters

I used to believe life was achieving a perfection
then I heard god roar on the roof;
I cannot even see out my window now

Seems that this rain is a reminder of how much I have
what is important, permanent
how much could be washed away
with early morning thunder
» Read the rest of this entry «

With great power comes great responsibility.
Never too sure if I have a chosen destiny or if
I am supposed to create my own purpose.
Are purpose and destiny even the same?
I think often of that simple phrase:
“I am not strong enough.”
It is often a result of doubt which is often a
result of something challenging in my life
which is often a result of desire or a manifestation which
often is a result of me deciding what I want which
is often a result of me either being unknowing or
refusing to accept my destiny, my purpose,
my gifts and the reason(s) I have them.
This morning, however, a very unique thought occurred
to me after another nightmare-filled evening:
“I am stronger than I think because, until this
point, I have simply chosen not to be.”
So, if I choose weakness when confronted with
the question of understanding or realizing my destiny,
then I must be also choosing to ignore possibilities
and if I choose, then, to ignore the possibilities of who I am,
then I am intentionally cowering from the ability within me,
that natural power instilled that has already predetermined that
I shall have “no doubt except that which I choose…”
…another circle of life.
My destiny, then, is not to be anything.
My purpose, then, is not to get to any particular goal.
Accomplishment, success, destination are, then, false gods.
Perhaps, then, there is nothing for me to realize, to understand.
I only need to know that
with great power comes great responsibility
and my power is universal and endless
as is my strength,
and my destiny,
simply,
is just to know that,
and to be just that.

 
af

(written with pen on paper)

Look at me, hey, over here
LOOK AT ME!
You left me, you left me
years went by…too long, too long
Cant you see me running in circles, screaming?
Down Here!
For you! You leave me, and I still come to you when
you decide to come back
I forgive you and I’m yelling for you so
WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME?!?!
Why’d ya leave Why’d ya leave Why’d ya leave?
Doesn’t matter.  You’re here, you’re back YOU ARE BACK!
I knew it I just knew it just just knew knew it it
Oh Boy, I’m out of breath and you are here
and won’t look at -
YOU LOOKED AT ME!!!!!
Hi HI Hello hello hey hello me me me
HI, now come here, please please
I don’t care that you haven’t shut the door yet
Don’t care that your arms are full
That you’re covered in snow, that you’re sick
I don’t even care that you abandoned me to do whatever it is you do
COME.  HERE.  Can’t you see how happy I am?  How much I love you? » Read the rest of this entry «

dreams
the portal to your soul
a glimpse inside the dimensions
within the dimensions of infinity
a shared journey in sleep with a lover
reality that existed
yet never occurred

dreams
talk to us
remind us
guide us
if we are willing read them
encourage us that the world
as we know it
is only a sliver of our life

af

(written on computer)

You wanted to be the observer.  Wanted to be outside of society.  Well, how far will you go?  What did you expect it would be?  Would feel like?  Outside is outside, whether at the marmont or in queens.

(I guess I didn’t expect it to be so lonely)

This society will make you feel very alone if you leave it, if you challenge it and if you refuse to conform.

(I am trying to do the right thing)

While fitting in with the wrong people.

(They are the only people I have ever known)

That is why you had a choice.  Still do.  But life still goes on after you make that choice.  Still need to act on it, accept the results of it, make more choices.  It doesn’t end with decision.

(It just seems that it should be easier, that’s all.  That doing the right thing, being a good person should make life easier, better.  What is the point if only the opposite is rewarded?)

Rewards have nothing to do with choice.  There are no prizes for correct choices.

(Then what is the point?)

That, as well, is your choice.  You get to choose what the point is by choosing one path or another, by making it worthy or not.  It is a terrible burden, knowing the truth of what life truly is.  Knowing that it is all effort all the time.  Fortunately, you have a choice in how to look at this effort as well.  Will you enjoy your decisions, find meaning in your choices, or simply look at it all as just work?

af

(written in little notebook)

I am that picture in the window
I am the couple in the club
the dancing extension of the band
I am Jack, I am an enigma
I am critical thinking
I am mystery
I am myself

The bullshit, corruption, natural disasters, poverty
matched in perfect balance
with the daily exorcism of inner demons
sweating, singing, screaming, pouring the soul out
as humanly needed

The shit is all part of the shine

I am unbelievable gratuity
I am humility
I am agape, I am all-consuming
I am the joy, the fight, the desire, the dream
I am exploration
I am home
I am here
I am walking breathing creativity…

I am not bored, but creation
I am not lost, but creation
I am not scared nor indifferent nor insecure, but creation
I am not shy, but creation
I am not manipulation, but creation
I am not pain, but creation
I am not death, but creation
I am not past nor future, but creation

I am right where I need to be
I am right when I need to be
I am right what I need to be
I am right how I need to be

I am bliss
I am desire
I am effort
I am inspiration
I am pain
I am sorrow
I am disappointment
I am success
I am achievement
I am but for the grace of

I am faith

I am hope

I am…

I am…

I am!!!

I am love

 
af

(written with pen on paper in the most perfect moment of my life)