It is all so unknown…
Everything that is about to happen in my life…
There is nothing but nothingness ahead of me…
I cannot look forward, there is nothing beyond this moment…
I do not know how to follow this path…
I am frightened…

The courage i need, do I have it, will it appear?

I know nothing…

af

(written in little notebook)

I am tired of hearing artists
beautiful, deeply creative artists
letting the words
I have to protect myself
ever escape from their lips…
it is bad enough that wretched phrase is even a thought
in the artist’s mind.

Unprotected against the world…
That is the whole point;
To be the exception within the human race
simply for the experiences it brings.
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…to get drunk out of my mind
to forget that i even have a mind
and just swim in imagination
blasting music
quieting all the voices
drift away with the weed
dreaming about the impossible woman
feeling the breeze of the crispy air
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i am furiously frustrated
suffocated
bloated, in pain
crying and grinding my teeth together
thinking about
everything i shouldn’t be thinking about
on such a beautiful day
digging deeper
more pain
and deeper
more pain
and deeper still asking and asking
till i get an answer
ask some more
the words the fears
the helplessness of being stuck
a mouse on glue
feeling like the only way for me to survive
is for me to chew my own feet off
crippled but i would still be going
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waking up lonely
frustrated
having so much to say
knowing so much
feeling stuck
powerless
uneducated
insignificant
lost
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Here’s the set-up:

A midget from the movies
marches with madness for
the mythological rights of the masses

This is what reality has come to
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The voice in my head
The voice on this page
The voice I speak with

Three different perspectives

suffocating
needing only
to focus on the simplicity
the air has become too thin to think
keeping me stuck
no opportunity for any of these voices:
purposed
lost
and life…

fade to black

af

(written with pen on paper, letting go of the mind a chip at a time)