Life is so much calmer now, tolerable

Suddenly, it feels almost enjoyable

I feel a little ill
it is my body fighting back
finally
because I am home
and sad
and reflective
and wanting
still

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Who cares?

At this point,

most of my battles are regarding principle,

and after each one of them

I think the same thing

Who cares?

Why not be stubborn in my success

rather than

with my grudges?

Things will get done when they need to be done,

and if they don’t

and they should be

and it was important that they were,

well,

in the end,

days from now, years from now

it is not really going to matter

is it?

One day

it will be brought up in conversation

a temper might flare

but all I’ll really think is

Who cares?

-  af

(written on computer)

I was always a good student

followed the system, obeyed orders, climbed the ladder

I said “Yes, Ma’am,” and “No, Sir”

I wanted “A’s”, I wanted to be a lawyer

She taught me, young, to be irresponsible

What I will always remember

is her trying

to teach me what was “right” in life

but I knew she never believed any of it herself

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Number thirteen

on twelve twelve twelve

a quick shot of espresso

wake up, slap the face

need to get going, doing something

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Stop looking at me

you, next to me

and you, next to me on the other side

I am trying to write this poem

and I can feel you

through your endless unstructured babble at the television

the TELEVISION, for fuck’s sake…

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The crackle of the cardboard peeling from the paper

The smell as the paper’s dust opens up naïve memories

So much to ingest, I would think,

even at a young age on the first day of school,

even after I had released the previous night’s dinner

the morning of that first day

as part of my annual ritual

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Life

is

interesting enough

We get to breathe

without ever trying

We get to play

get hurt, heal

get to play some more

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