It is time I stop being the victim.
Love sometimes works in manners silent between people
sometimes hurts so intensely
paralyzes like a moving painting I stare at for years
rather than a world I choose to live within.
I often give so much
open up so much
try
and fight so much
which is fine well and good when with humble intentions.
But then I begin expecting
The entities of ego and pride
feel they deserve
and as a result
I deserve
that one good deed be granted two;
that my rewards should be what I want
which are often not what I need and receive.
In the past, I would find my gratuity
through relativity,
the perspective of understanding
what I feel I lack
in comparison to others in this world.
When I pity my poverty
I remember the tin and tire roofs in the slums of Salvador
When lonely, I think of those scorned, mocked and condemned
for their handicaps, disabilities and imperfections
When I despise my status, my worth
it is they who are born and who have died
with far less than the lowest of my opportunities
whom I clearly remember meeting
among the million faces on my journey.
This life I am experiencing
isn’t all that bad;
in fact, it is quite brilliant and abundant
and that which I feel I lack
is nothing more than something (or someone)
I have yet worked towards growing within.
It is my responsibility to accept what it is I want;
to understand that
no one
is obligated to give
to me.
It is my responsibility
to stop being the victim.
af
(written with pen on paper)